Seeley Swan to Welcome

Schools Cope with Emotional Crisis

Cliff Nelson: Teacher Murdered

by Patricia Swan Smith
For the Pathfinder
October 3, 1996

On Monday, a team was made up of local and Missoula counselors, psychologists, staff and ministers. They worked with each grade as they broke the news to the students that Cliff Nelson had been shot in his home and that he was dead. The rest of the day was dealt with based on the reactions of staff, parents and students.

Tuesday the staff and counselors tried to get classes back on schedule and they changed them as needed.

Tuesday night a meeting was held at the grade school for parents to help them cope and learn what to expect from their children, and deal with their own fears and thoughts.

"We spent a lot of time with the 7th and 8th graders who had him as a teacher," said John Hebnes the school's superintendent.

"Some people would say we did things right, and others might say we didn't," he said. "But we worked our way through the school and told the students what had happened, and went from there."
"I really want to thank my staff," he said. "They were troopers."

Counselors from Missoula arrived at 10 a.m., and the day was spent helping parents and students cope with the loss. Many parents were on hand to help out and lend support.

They tried to deal with the fears, sadness and anger that walks with tragedy.

Parents have been on hand in the class rooms and on the playgrounds. Deputy Scott Newell stopped by during recess and lunches, and he visited classes to ease the fear. Newell was commended for his friendliness and warmth toward the students.

Some people will get back to normal soon, and some people will have problems one and two years, maybe longer down the road, Hebnes said.

"We are open to suggestions from anyone who thinks we can do something better or different to help us through this," he said. "We are trying to get back to a class schedule and will continue to try to stick with the normal schedule."

One woman asked if it was true that the grade school had been shot up as well. Hebnes said that as far as he knew there had been no shooting at the grade school. He also said that there had been some windows shot out at the high school.

The Missoula Counselors commended the local staff, counselors and clergy for the way they had handled things, and said that the students are relying a lot on the local staff because they know and trust them.

The Missoula School Psychologists, Marit Waldum and Dick Giuliani, both told the group of around 50 people what they might experience while dealing with this loss.

*It's really important for parents to get together and work through this thing together. Networking is a way to make sure the kids don't lose anymore than they have already lost. It is important in crisis to come together as a group and support each other.

*There are resources you can use for both parents and children. There are books dealing with grief at both the grade school and the high school. There is a list available at the Grade School with names of psychologists, counselors, school personnel, and clergy who can be contacted.

*Watch your children. If they begin to withdraw or act out, get help immediately.

*If you think you are having problems coping, don't hesitate to call someone and talk or seek help from the counseling field.

*Each person handles crisis differently. There are no cut and dry processes for dealing with grief. Patience is a key to the grieving process.

*Anger could be covering up intense fear and/or sadness. When someone gets angry try to get them into a quiet environment and talk with them. Allow them to express what they are feeling. Anger can crop up at a much later date, and it is part of the grieving process.

*It's okay to cry--girls, boys, women and men. Even Green Berets cry.

*Some may experience bad dreams. Try to remain patient if a child or adult can't sleep and needs to talk.

*Some may experience a change in eating habits, mood swings, anger, and confusion. If you don't know what to do, call someone.

There is a hand-out available at the grade school which explains some of the warning signs for when there might be a need to seek professional help for a child who is stuck in the grief process or to spot a child who is susceptible to suicide. The hand-out also includes some "do's" and "don'ts" when dealing with a child in loss.

Seeley Swan to Welcome

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